i'm having a week where nothing and everything is happening all at once. so far i've learned:
my stomach goes a little nuts when it is 95 degrees for more than three consecutive days
waiting for something to happen takes a lot of patience. i do not possess said patience. now that what i'm waiting for is here i feel numb to all emotion. i want it so badly that i won't let myself feel excitement because not getting it will be more devastating than i can handle.
i want to be the best support for king louie. he's alwys been solid as a rock for me and i pray that i'm returning the favor. it isn't easy. i want to say the right thing and do the right thing and take all his stress away. i want him to feel smart, successful, capable and worthy. i want to him to see all his potential. i want him to see himself as i see him. he isn't pefect but he is amazing. i want him to know that.
my family is amazing. i'm serious. if you ever need to get a prayer chain going let me know. my grandma will start motoring on her rosary. never underestimate the power of a catholic convert.
i let my fear get in the way of things that i want and that i'm capable of. last night in yoga my teacher helped me into a headstand and then let me go. i'm strong enough to hold it on my own but i'm afraid. as a result, my fear is holding me back.
i can be really mean. it usually sounds like i'm being funny. in fact, if you met me you would probably think i'm hilarious. however, i find myself being funny at other people's expense. wouldn't this make me a bully? it kind of boggles my mind. that's not at all who i set out to be. i like being funny. i like making people laugh. i don't want to do it in a mean and gossipy way. this is presenting quite a challenge.
see what i mean? it's been quite the week. i need things to resolve themselves so i can breathe again. i'd also like a nap and a weekend and a million dollars.
You have had quite a week. 1) my tummy can't handle heat anymore either. That sort of came out of no where. 2) I have no patience, but you if you don't get it you can't get discouraged, it just wasn't meant to be. 3) It's hard to be strong for a guy, but you can do it, and he knows you are there..whether he shows it or not. 4)fear holds a lot of people back, not just you. baby steps. 5) I think I can be mean too, but I know that really isn't true, and the same goes for you! I hope you have a better day!
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping that everything works out the way it's meant to work out :) And I'm thinking of you and I can totally relate to almost all of these things. Fear holds me back sometimes too. And I understand the angst with being excited and then being nervous. Thanks for your honesty in this post!
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping you get the thing you want! I have a friend who makes fun of people and she's hilarious. She worries about being mean too. I think as long as it's in more of teasing way than a malicious way it's fine. Everyone needs to be made fun of at some time!
ReplyDeleteI hope that you get whatever it is that you want!! You are in my prayers!! I'm sure that he is very appreciative of the support and love that you give him!!
ReplyDeleteMy stomach goes crazy in heat too! I was just thinking about that last night. It's been in the mid 90s here all week, and it's made me so sick to my stomach. Especially since my office is building is super hot and humid.
ReplyDeleteI struggle with fear holding me back, too. Bigtime. It's been an issue with me for a long time that I'm trying to work out.
sounds like a doozy! i hope you get what you want. and it sounds like you need a hug :)
ReplyDeleteWow - it sounds like a really big week! And big weeks can just mean a bit of emotionally doozies for me too. I feel the same way about IC, he is always so amazing to me when I need support and then I've found when's stressed, I have no idea what to do or say to help him.
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